'13 Ghosts' repeats similiar movies

Julien R. Fielding

I never thought I'd say this. But Matthew Lillard is about the best thing going for "13 Ghosts."

Matthew Lillard encounters one of the "13 Ghosts."

Those familiar with this actor's resume will know the tragedy of this admission.

A remake of the 1960 William Castle film, "13 Ghosts" opens with paranormal hunter, Rafkin (Lillard), and rich adventurer Cyrus (F. Murray Abraham) trying to capture a spirit, with a 40-plus body count to his name, known as The Juggernaut. An eccentric collector, Cyrus needs to trap 12 earthbound souls so he can fulfill his diabolic plan.

But he expires before this can happen.

As Cyrus' last living relative, Arthur (Tony Shalhoub) inherits the madman's fortunes, including a strange glass house inscripted with Latin spells and filled with priceless antiques. With the recent tragic death of his wife (Kathryn Anderson) and destruction of his home, Arthur, his daughter Kathy (Shannon Elizabeth) and son Bobby (Alec Roberts) are eager for a reversal of fortune.

But, all that glitters, as they say.

And unfortunately for the family, their new home wasn't conceived of by any normal architect, but a demon-possessed man in the 15th century, who planned the machine as a gateway to hell.

Oh, yeah, and the family and their nanny (Rah Digga) are locked inside with 12 pissed off, homicidal spirit forms.

On the surface, a remake of "13 Ghosts" probably sounded like a good idea. Hell, the remake of "House on Haunted Hill" nearly made it's budget back in the first weekend. So, the Castle enterprise appears to be a Fort Knox of ideas. And now that Hollywood has realistic special effects and better makeup techniques, the film can at least look scary.

But that still doesn't mean audiences get anything that's fresh or watchable. Six people locked in a house with homicidal maniacs means nothing more than a lot of running around and carnage. (Might as well throw in a car chase while we're at it.)

The situation gets worse when you look at who's pulling the strings. This is director Steve Beck's directorial debut. His previous occupation was visual effects art director. Does that tell you where his interests lie?

The story comes courtesy of Robb White, the man who also conceived of "House on Haunted Hill." Hmm ... that one had people locked inside a haunted house, and this one has people locked inside a haunted house. Boy that guy sure was an original thinker.

(For who want to see a twist on this concept, rent "Event Horizon." It's "13 Ghosts" in outer space with a better cast.)

Next, you have screenwriters Neal Stevens and Richard D'Ovidio. This is Stevens' first effort and D'Ovidio's second. But then he's one of the geniuses behind Steven Seagal's "Exit Wounds." Enough said?

So, this film lacks originality AND creativity.

But what about the acting? I'm glad you asked. Shalhoub ? I love him. I've enjoyed many of his films. "Galaxy Quest" and "A Civil Action" are two of his finest. I was devastated when the network canceled his unconventional series "Stark Raving Mad." But here, he's boring as a dead bug squashed flat between pieces of paper and left for days. Nothing.

He's supposed to be mourning his wife, but his feelings and love seem forced. And I don't buy that concerned parent thing either. Shalhoub probably works best as a supporting player.

Elizabeth still hasn't vindicated her career for me. She continues to smile broadly and that's making me angry. Actually her name on the credits almost convinced me to stay home. I should have followed my gut instinct.

Roberts is the reason I typically despise child actors. He comes from the world of television. He played Elian in "The Elian Gonzalez Story," and that's where this child belongs.

Rapper Rah Digga has some pretty bad lines and some even worse one's - after a lawyer gets sliced in half, she says, "Where'd that lawyer go? Did he split? Chortle, guffaw - but she keeps us entertained, even when ranting about all the "crazy white people." Without her and Lillard, I don't think I would have lasted much more than 10 minutes.

Lillard, ah, Mr. Lillard. He's one spazzed out, freaky guy who I know requires Ritalin. At first, his kamikaze acting style doesn't fit the tone. Then once he's in the house and the mood gets tense, he's a godsend. I have this love-hate relationship with this actor.

Although I find his acting style overwrought and punishing to the senses, I've seen many of the movies he's been in, including the painful "Wing Commander." Fans will find him next a Shaggy in "Scooby Doo." (I know I can't believe they made the film either.)

Finally, how far the mighty have fallen.

Remember F. Murray Abraham when he played Salieri? Or starred in "Serpico," "Scarface," "All The President's Men" or "The Name of the Rose?" That was before he took roles in "Slipstream" and "Last Action Hero." And now this.

I wish some actors could afford themselves some dignity.

The same goes for Embeth Davidtz, who plays Kalina, a spell caster who wants to free the spirits. She's been in "Schindler's List," for goodness sake. How much could this gig have been paid?

The film does have esthetic appeal.

The malevolent spirits will raise the hair on your neck, especially the Jackal, a poltergeist-type phantom with it's head in a metal cage. In fact, many of the ghouls look like they've stepped over from "Se7en," particularly a grotesquely obese one with his "dire mother," or Clive Barker's "Hellraiser." (Hint: Leave the small ones at home, people.)

So, essentially production designer Sean Hargreaves, art directors Tim Beach and Don Macaulay, set decorator Dominique Fauquet-Lemaitre and the makeup and costume staff are the only ones involved with this film who earned their paycheck.

Those expecting a Halloween fright from "13 Ghosts" only will get one if they're sitting in another theater watching another film.

Even if you're terminally bored, please skip this film. You've seen it all a million times, and maybe, if you don't give them your money, we won't have to see it for the million and first.

'13 Ghosts' repeats similiar movies was originally published in Daily Nonpareil on 25 October, 2001. © Council Bluffs Daily Nonpareil LLC